9th of Frostfall, 4th Era 201
Dear Diary,
Finally sorted out that problem at College. The whole thing was so absurd, I don't want to talk about it. I will tell you this, if I ever get an opportunity to kill Thalmor in the future I certainly will.
Long story short, I had to go to Labyrinthian, an ancient Nord tomb complex ruled over by an undead guy. I thought I would never leave alive. I resigned myself to the prospect that my corpse would lie forever in Labyrinthian.
I learned something important in Labyrinthian though: I can't expect to win in a melee slugging match against serious opponents. Going sword to sword with a well-equipped guy in heavy armor just isn't going to work for me. My moments of deadly combat were only relieved by equally terrible visions, visions of dying in horrible ways. I take this to mean I should have died several times, those fates only averted because the visions warned me of what was coming. I only survived Labyrinthian because I embraced something I should have known to do all along: use stealth. Use arrows, use a stealthy dagger to the throat if need be. Only use spells as a last resort, use swords almost never. It's kind of a shame, since now I am far more powerful in destruction magic than I used to be. In the end, I danced around that dragon priest and shot arrows into him and he never had a clue where I was. He never had a chance, because he never could see me to kill me with his staffs of death. The fact that it was a dark crypt certainly helped.
I am torn between starting my work with the Dark Brotherhood and signing up to fight for the Empire in the Civil War. I told Astrid I would come, but that I didn't know when. It is not because of any patriotism that I want to join, perish the thought, but because I want to be supplied with a large number of relatively unthreatening targets to hit at. I have seen these Stormcloaks at work, they are weak and stupid, cannon fodder. Not like those damned wights I was dealing with in Labyrinthian. The Imperials aren't much better of course.
So yes, I am saying that I want to be in a position to deprive more people of their lives, quicker. I want living targets for my balls of fire and frost, and my arrows. The fact that they are Stormcloaks is almost incidental: like I said, I am not doing it because of patriotism. Even I however am taken aback by the numbers of widows and orphans I am contemplating making. To kill bandits or to assassinate powerful and privileged people is one thing, but these are farmers, husbands and wives of ordinary people. Am I okay with producing the number of widows and orphans that I will surely be producing when I turn my full force against the Stormcloaks? People who must surely be unprepared for dealing with one such as me?
I have to figure that they or someone like them would have died anyway. The sooner I can put the hurt to the Stormcloaks, the sooner this stupid civil war will be over. But I am not doing it for that, am I? I am doing it to help me become an ever more efficient dispenser of death. Why?
It's not something you think about when you kill bandits though perhaps I should. Of course draugr and wights have no family, or no living family anyway. Evil magic users keeping captives for their own sick experimentation, well they have to die. These men aren't any of that. Just stupid farmers who want to lay down their lives for a stupid cause that they think is right and good. I suppose the sooner I get used to the idea of killing people who are just ordinary folks, the better. The Dark Brotherhood doesn't discriminate, they'll kill anyone if the ritual is performed and the pay is right. It's all for Sithis. It all started with Sithis, it will all end up with Sithis. The time in between is just a dream. I bless my sword, my dagger and my bow, and pray that those who are deprived of their lives by them will go directly to the embrace of our dark Father. More souls for Sithis, fewer for Mundis. That's how I live my life.
Before I join the Imperial Legions however, I have some unfinished business. I need some Elven armor, and I hate the damn elves, so it is time to go hunting Thalmor. They ferry prisoners regularly between Whiterun and Solitude, it should be easy enough to catch some on the road. Legally of course it is a crime even to murder the wretched Thalmor, there must be no witnesses. Even their Nord captives must die, which is probably better than the fate the Thalmor have in store for them. The Thalmor will torture them until they renounce Talos and make them implicate all their friends, then probably they will kill them anyway. It is a mercy for them and for others for them to die.
In other, less grim news, I heard they are building a new college near Whiterun. Unlike Winterhold, it will be a college for all the major disciplines. Some group from Cyrodiil is setting it up. They must have spread Jarl Balgruuf's palm with a lot of cash to get permission, he's a conservative sort and not too keen on higher education, but I imagine he's desperate for cash these days with all the war preparations.
The bitter cold nights (and days) here in Hjaalmarch turn my thoughts to cozying up at night with something warmer than my dagger, but if I am to consider a mate they must be one who knows and accepts my way of life. When I enter the Dark Brotherhood, of course I cannot go around telling prospective mates "by the way, I am a Dark Brotherhood assassin, I hope this won't come between us?" Perhaps we shall have some clients who will be suitable candidates: people who will already know what I do.
In my free time I have been trying to make my home feel more homey for the upcoming holidays. I suppose my interpretation of what that means is a little unorthodox. I think skulls and soul gems complete a holiday display, plus I need some way to creatively use the skulls of my enemies. We all define success differently.
No comments:
Post a Comment